I look back at my life and I realize... I've done some amazing things. Looking back, I see more of the good than I do of the bad. I really really hope that looking back at these years, I see the same thing. While I'm in the thick of it, I see pain and suffering. I don't want to see the world like that. I know that I can change the way I see the world, but for whatever reason, it's been hard for me to make that choice.
No more.
I want to look at my life and leave behind something worth remembering. I want to look back at myself and see a person, who had her struggles, but was able to conquer the person she didn't want to be, to become the person she'd always dreamed of. I want to look back at my friends (who are hopefully still around) and realize that I made the right choice by letting them in. I want them to be my bridesmaids and my future children's aunts. I want to remember and look at them as unbiological sisters. If the girls I'm friends with now become those people for me, I'd be pretty darn happy. If I meet a few more of those type of girls, I'd be happy with that too. I also want to look back at the heartache and see that it's helped me grow. I want to see that I've picked myself up and was able to grow from the pain.
Change is a hard and scary thing, but it's also exciting. There are a lot of lessons to learn. There is a lot of pain and happiness to experience. And while change can bring about some really hard times, it can also bring out some incredible ones.
It's also something that I really need right now.
You know how you can read a certain book, or watch a tv show, and suddenly feel inspired? Like, if someone else, fictional or not, can pick themselves up and accomplish amazing things, then why can't I? It's time I started on those amazing things. It's time for me to clean up my act and do something with myself. It's time for me to get off my butt and bring about some change.
I think I'm finally ready.
