Idea of Love

We all want to be wanted.
We all want to feel special.
We all want to be loved.

But what happens when we aren't?

We grow up hearing the fairy tales and walk around with this naive belief that we will have all that one day. Disney if one of my most favorite things. Ever. It has taught me so much. But Ariel was 16 and telling her father, "But I love him Daddy. You don't understand.". And, in the Disney movie, she got her happy ending, her Prince Charming, AND she had perfect hair throughout. As much as I'd love to believe in something like that, as far as I know, that doesn't exist. In fact, in the actual Little Mermaid story... Actually never mind, you don't want to know and I refuse to ruin it for you. Just know, it wasn't a happy ending for Ariel.

We spend our whole lives running. Whether it's running away, or running towards something, we're always on the move. Sometimes the world spins way too fast and sometimes it feels like the world isn't spinning at all. No matter how fast you're running or what direction you're running in, love is a huge part of it. Love is a huge part of everything. There is no denying it.

Love is a million things. It's a motive that is implanted in our being that directs our decisions. The decisions might seem crazy, but it's what our hearts care about the most. Love is crazy. From what I've seen, it makes you lose your mind. I don't think I've ever actually been in love, but from what little bits and pieces I've experienced, it makes you absolutely lose it. Emotions go through the roof, whether it's extreme happiness or unfathomable sadness. Love is the little things too. A smile, a hug, a simple hello can mean the world to someone. Sometimes those little things are more than enough.

Everyone loves differently. Some people are utter romantics who want rocks thrown at their windows and to be serenaded. I'm pretty sure that if someone was throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night, I'd come out with a baseball bat and be entirely freaked out. Then are people who just want someone to talk to, someone they can count on, someone who they know will be there for them. Some say "I love you." and some say "You're an idiot.". Love comes in all different kinds. Love can be in the romantic sense and in the friendship sense. Everyone loves differently.

When it's real, love is beautiful. It's what holds you together when you're falling apart and without it we feel lost.

So what happens when it's gone? The absence of love is one of the most horrible things I've had to suffer through. It's very important to understand what the absence of love is. It is not hatred. The absence of love is when you can see love around you. You see the people you love and you see that they love you. Your friends, your family. You see it and it's all around you. But...

You
Can't
Feel it.

All you feel is empty. And it makes you feel like you suck because you can't feel the love that's around you, and worst of all, you can't return it. It gets to the point where you are on your knees begging God to give you your emotions back. You're so empty it makes you sick. And it's so hard to just not give up when that happens.

But you know what? You've gotta keep fighting. Because love? Love is patient, love is kind, love is... the most beautiful thing a human being can experience. You've got to keep fighting because even though there will be times that you feel unwanted and empty, when you get those emotions back and start crying those tears of relief and gratitude... you'll realize that no matter what happens in the future, those brief moments of happiness and love and emotions... Are so worth it.

They really are.